Prank Calls
by DeadInExistence
Summary: WARNING: This doesn't really have to do with the show Life With Derek. It's a little thing I made for my friend who REALLY likes the actor, John Ralston. I only made this so she could get a good laugh. Read last paragraph for any questions.
1. Stuart picks up

I am dedicating this fanfiction to my BFFL: Nickle (THAT RHYMES!) She's obsessed with Life With Derek, and I had to make this for her because I'm going to miss her so much! I love you, Nickle. I'll miss you; whenever you're feeling lonely, just read this, and maybe it'll cheer you up. :-)

Anyways, onto the story!

(As of this moment, George is watching Maroon 5 on TV)

George: Aw! Nora, honey, come look at this! Adam Levine is holding Tickle-Me-Elmo!

(George sighs)

George: They never had Tickle Me Elmo back in our day…

Nora: Well, they never had Derek back in our day, either, but no one seems to be complaining…

George: Derek is a totally different story, though!

Nora: (annoyed) Fine! If you want Tickle-Me-Elmo so bad, why don't you go buy it?

George: (stands up) I will!

(Marty randomly comes down the stairs and starts squashing all the bananas)

Nora: (gasps) Marty, what on earth are you doing!?

Marty: I'm making sure the banana army won't attack us in our sleep!

--The Directors screams "Cut!" and stops the whole scene--

(Director turns to Ariel)

Director: What are you doing? That wasn't in the script!

Ariel: It's a weird story, actually. I woke up this morning and some weird girl called, "Amanda" was complaining to me about some banana army…

Director: (looks around the set) Okay, who's making prank calls?

John: Well, my son got the same call from another girl, yesterday. (Starts recalling what happened yesterday)

(Flashback)

The telephone line is ringing.

"I'll get it!" Stuart yells.

Stuart dashed to the phone and picked it up hastily.

"Hello?"

On the other line of the phone, Stuart heard whispers. Then someone said, "Hi, is this the Ralston residence?"

"Um, yeah…But who's this"

Stuart then heard squeals and screams of joy.

A different voice came on the phone.

"Stuart Ralston? Son of THE John Ralston?"

A look of confusion swept over Stuart's face.

"Uh, yes ma'am."

"Can I speak to your daddy, please?

"My mommy always told me that—"

"OH YOU'RE MOMMY DOESN'T CARE, NOW PUT JOHNNY ON!"

Stuart cautiously put the phone on the table, and took slow steps back.

"Hello is anyone there?"

Stuart didn't utter a sound, and ran quickly towards his father's room.

"Stuart? Are you there?"

John Ralston comes down the stairs at a normal pace with Stuart hiding behind him.

Stuart says, "Daddy, I think there's a crazy lady on the phone"

The girl on the other line hears this and says, "Why you little—"

John picks up the phone, without the person knowing and says, "Excuse me?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Excuse me, my son here is a little freaked out right now. Can you tell me who you are?"

_**NEXT CHAPTER: Nickle talks to JOHN RALSTON (I'm a little scared of writing this chapter…)**_

_**Before anyone says how weird this is, it's for my friend who's moving to Pennsylvania…and she LOVES John Ralston (don't ask me why) and Maroon 5 and all that junk (but she is LITERALLY obsessed.) So, please, no nasty comments. I just wanted her to get a good laugh out of this.**_


	2. Questions and some weird ones at that

_**Here is chapter TWO. I couldn't leave my fellow readers on a cliffhanger, could I?**_

_**Wait…I could've…**_

_**But Nickle probably wants to read the second chapter. And, since I'm SUCH a good person, I, therefore, shall write thee second chapter of thus story (Don't ask me about the medieval accent)**_

_**ONTO DA STORY!**_

(In the other line of the phone there is static)

John looks at the phone strangely, before putting it back to his ear.

"Excuse, I am John Ralston, but, who is this?"

(You can hear screams of joy coming from the line)

"OH MY GOD! IT REALLY IS YOU! I KNEW YOU WOULD COME FOR ME! OH MY GOD! THIS IS BETTER THAN MY MAROON 5 CONCERT! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! JOHN RALSTON, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I TRULY DO!"

"NICKLE! SHUT UP FOR A SECOND!"

"JESS, AMANDA! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND! IT'S _**HIM**_. IT'S REALLY HIM!"

(There are sighs heard on the other end of the line)

"Nickle, don't scare him _too_ much, okay?"

"WHATEVER! Well, anyways, I NEED TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS!"

Stuart looked up to his father.

"Daddy, what kind of name is Nickle?"

"Stuart, what did I say about talking to other people?"

"STRANGER DANGER!"

Stuart starts running around the house.

"STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!"

"NO! STUART! NOT THAT LESSON! THE OTHER LESSON!"

Stuart stops in his tracks.

"Ooh. You meant the one about judging people?"

John sighed and said, "YES. THAT one.

"Ooh."

John started talking to the other girl on the phone.

"I'm sorry about that."

"OH! NO, DON'T BE SORRY AT ALL! BUT I NEED TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS! Like…uh…what size are your pants?"

"Excuse me!?"

"Too personal? I'm sorry. Um, how about…how much do you love your wife? And when's your birthday? Not that I think you're old or anything, CAUSE YOU AREN'T!"

It sounded like 'Nickle' was referring to the other girls who seemed to be listening as well.

"How many shows have you starred in? Did you get my second letter? Because, I sent you two; and you didn't reply to the second one. But, first, I **MUST** thank you for replying to my first one. I know you must have been busy, but I just _had_ to know a few things? Did you ever check out my website? It's **www dot john Ralston dot page dot tl**. You said you saw it and that you were TOUCHED. OH! HOW _**GREGARIOUS**_ YOU ARE!—

"Amanda? What are you talking about?...Why would I ask him something like that?...(sigh) fine!"

John put a helpless face on, as if to say, "Please, God, help me now!"

"Um, what is your opinion on flying bananas?"

"WHAT?!"

There was a new voice on the phone.

"Listen, Mr. Ralston—"

There was a squeal on the other line…no doubt, Nickle.

"—Your opinion matters deeply to me, and to many others as well! Please, answer my questions!"

Nickle's voice returned to the phone.

"HEY! IT'S MY PHONE CALL! THIS IS MY ONE AND ONLY CHANCE!"

A new voice came to the phone.

"AMANDA, YOU STAND ON THAT CORNER! NICKLE, YOU STAND ON THAT CORNER."

For a second, it sounded peaceful.

"Okay, Nickle, you can talk first—"

"BUT, JESS, I WANNA TALK FIRST—"

"SHUT UP, AMANDA!"

It was silent.

"Okay…Nickle, you first."

"Well, John, _obviously_ I want you to answer the questions I just said, but would you mind if I asked a few more; because everything was _fine_ until _AMANDA_ had to come—"

"BUT—"

"AMANDA! IT'S NICKLE'S TURN! NOT YOURS."

"Alright," Amanda said in a defeated tone.

"Anyways, would you mind answering a few more of my questions?"

"Actually, I would—"

Before John could say anything else, Nickle said, "Okay, good. I knew you were a REALLY kind person, and not one of those stuck-up actors!"

"So, did you have a good childhood—"

Nickle wanted to ask so much more question; as well did Jess and Amanda. (Well, as of that moment, Jess was trying to make sure Amanda and Nickle wouldn't kill themselves.)

But, sadly, they couldn't because the most **AWFUL** thing happened.

_THE CALL WAS LOST._

**NEXT CHAPTER: Nickle, Jess, and Amanda's POV (Nickle, this means POINT OF VIEW)**

**DUM DUM DUM DUM**


	3. REDIAL ROCKS!

**HEY! I'M BACK! Sorry for the wait!**

**Disclaimer: …well, I pretty much own everything (except for any Life With Derek or John Ralston related subjects)**

_(Somewhere in New York of the U.S.A. there are three girls in a house. One is Nicole, or I should say "Nickle". Then, there are her two best friends, Jess and Amanda.)_

Nickle screamed in frustration after talking on the phone for a half-hour…not speaking to anyone, because it took her too long to realize that the call was lost.

For the next 15 minutes…it pretty much went like this…

Nickle: GUYS! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! THIS DID NOT JUST HAPPEN! THIS DID NOT JUST HAPPEN! THIS DID NOT JUST—

Jess: NICKLE! CALM DOWN!

Amanda: My conscience said she's worried about your mental health.

Nickle: And this is coming from the one who talks to a voice in their head.

Amanda: No, it's coming FROM the voice I talk to in my head; which, HAS A NAME! It's my conscience, not some stupid voice!

Jess: NICKLE! Don't panic—

Nickle: WHY NOT?

Jess: (speaking very slowly) Iiiiiitttt'ssss caaaaallleeeeddd reeeedddiiiaaalll.

Nickle: OH MY GOD. YOU'RE RIGHT! RE-DIAL! YES! YOU'RE A GENUIS! (realizes what she just said) Did I just call you a genius?

Jess: What? I'm smarticle! (puts on one of those REALLY HAPPY but REALLY CREEPY smiles)

Nickle:….right…

Amanda: Well, I'm smarticler.

Jess: Well, I'm confuzzleder.

Amanda: What are you talking about?

Jess: I don't know. Nickle, what were we talking about?

Nickle: JESS! AMANDA! NOT NOW! WE NEED TO CALL JOHNNY BACK!

Amanda: Johnny?

Jess: Can I ask him my question?

Nickle: NO!

Jess: I promise I won't bug him out too much.

Nickle: Then, what's the question?

Jess: I was going to ask if the pink bunnies of doom—HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

(Nickle is playing around with the phone while, Amanda just looks at Jess and shakes her head)

Amanda: I think Nickle's lost in her own world. Anyways, how's life? I asked John Ralston his opinion on flying bananas, BUT HE NEVER LISTENED!

Jess: That's because flying bananas don't exist…

Amanda: YES THEY DO!

Jess: Whatever you say.

Amanda: The question is still important, though.

Jess: Mine is importanter.

Amanda: No, it's not!

Jess: How do you know? You don't even know what the question is!

Amanda: You were going to ask if he was on crack or not.

Jess: …Um…well….we have to make sure John Ralston isn't a crack addict….

Amanda: He's a father, not a drug dealer!

Jess: HOW DO YOU KNOW! I NEVER KNEW MR. PENCIL HAD A MYSPACE!

Amanda: YES YOU DID! YOU MADE IT FOR HIM WITH ME!

Jess: Oh yeah…

Nickle: SHUT UP! IT'S RINGING!

(Back at the Ralston home)

The phone rang again.

Aw crud, John thought. Who could it be now? Surely, not those crazy people from before…

He picked up the phone.

"Yes? This is John speaking."

Immediately, a huge scream pierced through the phone, and John could've sworn he went deaf.

_**A/N- MUA HA HA HA! IT ENDS HERE! (insert an evil smile) Sorry, Nickle! I was going to make it longer…but…yeah…I'm working on the next chapter now, and you'll NEVER believe what happens (and, for the record, it's not an 'impossible-to-happen-except-in-la-la-land' type of thing.) I should be done by tomorrow! :)**_


	4. What if

**A/N- I didn't get any flames, yet, but if anyone's planning on it; please don't. As I said, I'm not really making this for everyone to review, I just wanted to show my (insane) friend something that would cheer her up. Of course, if you want to review and say something like, "That was weird" I don't mind. But, if it says "OH MY GOD! YOU SUCK! THIS IS F'IN RETARDED!" or something like that, then we're going to have some serious issues…**

_**Recap:**_

_The phone rang again._

_Aw crud, John thought. Who could it be now? Surely, not those crazy people from before…_

_He picked up the phone._

"_Yes? This is John speaking."_

_Immediately, a huge scream pierced through the phone, and John could've sworn he went deaf._

* * *

"OH MY GOD! JOHN! I'M BAAAAAAAAAACK!"

-click-

"Huh?"

Nickle stared at the phone, and asked, "Anyone there?"

Silence.

"DARN! HE HUNG UP ON ME! AAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHH!"

Nickle started throwing a rampage at her house, while Jess and Amanda sat there grinning like idiots.

"So, Jess, should we tell her our AMAZING idea?"

"Nah, I think we should wait 'till she takes her anger out."

"How long will that take?"

"A while; but it's not like we have anything better to do in our lives."

Amanda looked up in thought.

"I guess you have a point there."

(After hours and hours and screaming, and such, Nickle finally regained SOME of her sanity.)

Nickle calmed down and started saying, "I am a normal girl. I am a normal girl…"

"NICKLLLLLLLEEEEE!" Jess screamed.

Nickle looked up in annoyance.

"WHAAAAATTT!!"

"ME AND SPAZ HAVE AN IDEA!"

Nickle rolled her eyes.

"What does it involve? Opera-singing baboons?"

"Pffgth! NO," Jess said. "But you will like it"

_Oh great…_ Nickle thought to herself.

"What's the idea?"

In unison, Jess and Amanda said, "Well…what if…"

**TO BE CONTINUED! (Hey, I know it's short, but I'm going to post the next chapter up soon, so hold your horses, or however the saying goes.)**


End file.
